In Titanic Proportions
by InOnePiece
Summary: What would it be like to be reincarnated into the AOT world? But as a Titan… SI, Self-Insert. Bit of a crack fic. Shingeki no Kyojin - Attack on Titan, mostly anime based.
1. In Titanic Proportions

In Titanic Proportions

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Life as a Titan isn't as bad as you think it would be. There's no work place to be grueling away at, so I can spent the time as I please. No worries about food because I have no desire to eat, it's not even required. I can even sleep the days away if I want! No worries about not having enough time, time… I have so much time! Pretty sad that I call this living compared to the first life around as a human isn't it? The truth is though, human life sucked. I hated my job, it sucked the life out of me and I barely had time to have a life outside work. I always had to watch what I ate or else I'd be as big as a house, not that I wasn't pretty chubby already. I never seemed to get enough sleep either. Now though, now that doesn't matter!

No college. No work. No family. Just Me. ME! Just life…

The humans of this world carry a weight to them. You can tell by how they hold themselves, they each deal with the weight a bit different but they all look so tired. Maybe that's why the others like them so much? It makes them look weak. Even now I have all kinds of wildlife around me, singing their forest lullaby without a care in the world. Even to the tiniest bird they are filled with strength, each action has a purpose and benefits their continuous survival. It's a peaceful process that just lulls.. me…to… … …

Damn, I fell asleep in mid-thought. I'm slumped against one of the giant trees in the Forest of Titans. It's quite now, too quite? Shit. That means humans. I better head out before the crowds close in. Heading outside the forest is my best bet to not run into any humans and little Titans. Most of the bigger Titans love to encircle humans, makes me think of sharks.

I have to stop. Shit. A bunch of humans are in the treetops. I take a quick look to the left and right, damn, they have this whole side covered. I don't have many options; good option: run through and don't get hit, great option: circle around to the other side and avoid all humans. I like that option. I spin on my heels and take off towards the other side of the Forest. Not at a run, no, that attracts too much attention. I can hear a bunch of rumbling not far off, the humans will be looking out for a runner then. I move a couple rows over until the noise is even fainter. Good. No noise means no flying humans and rumbling Titans.

 _ **RING!~**_ Shit! That fucking hurt! Damn, fucking human guns! Even this far away that shit hurts! I pause in the jogging to shake off the ringing that STILL in my ears. Even in this world human tech is still an annoyance when it comes to sound, though I do miss some good old rock 'n roll.

" _FIRE!"_ _**BAM!BAM!BAM!**_ HOLY SHIT! The humans have a Gatling gun! It sounded really close too, damn, I need to move further up yet or I might get caught up in that. _**BAM!BAM!BAM!**_ Wow, whoever pissed them off is so screwed. _**BAM!BAM!BAM!**_ Man, it's still going on. It's still sounds like I'm right next to it and I've moved off pretty far. Man… Maybe I should wait them out? I can always move if the get too close, and I'm not too tall so the width of the tree can still hide my form easily. Well, looks like I have my plan! I'm going to lean against this tree until I no longer hear the humans.

" _ **RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!"**_

The hell was that? First I've heard that sound-HOLY SHIT! I have to flatten myself to the tree or else be dragged with the crowd of Titans that are SPRINTING towards the scream and muffled human yells.

" _ALL HANDS WITHDRAW! REDEPLOY THE FORMATION! RETURN TO CALANETH DISTRICT!"_ Wow, does that human have a set of lungs, I heard that all the way over here. _**POP!**_ Great, I'm surrounded. They just had to send off their blue smoke guns to show me how close they all are… I stay leaned against the tree for a bit and listen. … … … … I don't hear anything. _**POP!**_ Shit! That's right in my exit path! _**POP!**_ Double shit! That's coming in close behind! _**Shiiiink.**_ Damn, they're already here! I turn around to see six humans in coming. _"Shit!"_ Make that five incoming. Looks as though they haven't notice me yet, good.

" _Gunther!" "Go kid! Come on! Keep moving!" "Wai- We're just leaving him!" "Who is that?!""Keep him away from_ -" Thud, thud, thud, thud. I put up my hands out in reflex and make a platform for the four humans that just rammed my chest. Why didn't I move? Oh, they are looking up at me in horror. Is my face that scary? I imagine it looks pretty neutral. Woah! Dodge to the left while closing fingers a bit, scare a yelp from the humans. I guess that fifth person really wants- _**CRACKLE!**_ And running now! Since when do humans turn into Titans! Can I do that to since I was once human?

Ow! I forgot I have humans in my hands, did they just stab me? _"Alright you Titan bitch let us out!"_ I still hear that Titan running behind me, so I tighten my fingers a bit. Yeah, not gonna happen. That means stopping, which means being in her reach zone, so not stopping until she's no longer a factor. _**Shiiiink.**_ Another human, duck head, swerve right, damn wire to the shoulder. I slam on the brakes and watched the momentum takes the human past me, wire out, wire into other shoulder, slam back into tree and uncupped hands. This makes the human pause mid-air, the others take this time to flee from my hands. The sound of crashing Titans foot falls is getting louder, and then the human is on my shoulder giving me this fowl look. _"Alright Titan, if you so much as make a twitch towards my squad I'll end you."_ _ **Shiiiink.**_ And off they go, flying toward our Titan pursuer I have to turn to watch, these humans are weird. They completely ignored me when they had a shot at me to go for the higher target.

Watching them in action is quite the sight, first they take out the eyes while she's in mid-stride, as she covers her neck they go for her exposed arms. Finally her arms give, whoa they are good! The leader noticed something wrong. Ah, she has an eye back. Looks like they are re-grouping? Nope, leader takes out her eye from her blind spot. Oh, she's on the run, guess she sustained too much damage. Man this is like an MMORPG or something, ha running when our HP's low. Ah, good times. Looks like the leaders looking to hold back, the 'Kid' seems to be making a fuss though.

Next thing I know leader guy's looking at me, and now they are all coming in my direction. I guess this is it. Well it's been fun, waaaaay better than working all the time and no play. Hold up? Did leader guy just kick me in the face, I scrunch up where I thought my eyebrows should be-do I even have eyebrows?, wait off topic. _"Alright you shitty Titan, are you listening now?"_ With that I give him my full attention. When did they all get on my shoulder? _"Well now this is different. Can you understand me?"_ I give a nod. _"Is it another human in Titan form?"_ 'Kid' says under his breath. Now that is the question, isn't it 'Kid' _. "Well, Hange is going to love this."_ Sigh, _"At least this trip wasn't a complete waste. Alright, here's the plan. This was another Titan collecting expedition, this one"_ He stomps his heel on my shoulder, _"was the only one of our focus since it's behavior was more abnormal than usual and Hange had to have it."_ The others of the group start to protest, _"Captain! You can't be serious!" "We can't take this thing back!"_

Yeah Captain! I like my lazy life! You can't make me do stuff again! What about my naps and… my naps! Naps are essential to my new existence! _"Are you questioning my orders?"_ Oh, what a scary look. Is that what I look like to instill such horror? _"No Captain!"_ Aw, that's so cute! They all spoke at the same time and saluted! Makes me miss my camera! I feel a kick to the shoulder again and look down to 'Captain'. _"You make one wrong move and I'll kill you."_ I give a nod of understanding, I really don't want to die again so soon. 'Captain' then instructs me to follow at a distance behind the rest of his flying humans while he posts two to stay behind me so I can't make a runner. Damn, can he already read me? Can you read a Titans body language? Such things to ponder, maybe these humans can help answer some if I humor them. For now I'll just take a stroll and see where this will take me, go with the flow if you will.

It didn't take all too long for us to get to the edge of the forest- wow they regroup pretty fast! And I've been noticed… there's lots of shouting, lots of fingers pointed in my direction- oh! Was that a screech of terror? Ha what a sissy, I haven't even moved yet. 'Captain' told me to stay towards the trees, so the rest don't freak out probably. After more aggressive negotiations I hear a squeal of pure joy and next thing I know I have yet another human on my shoulder. This one with goggles and a ponytail, kind of reminds me of well the human me… At least the glasses and brown hair part. Wait… is that drool? Did I just meet the mother of all Titan otakus? This is a bit uncomfortable, all this…things words are blending together-talking too fast, brain can't comprehend, words!

Finally the 'Otaku' takes a breath and clearly asks, _"Can you understand me?"_ with this glimmer of pure hope that's almost blinding. Against my instincts that are screaming that it's not worth it, I nod. Insert another squeal and a…happy dance? Was I this weird as a human? I don't really remember too much anymore. Ah, freak out done. _"Are you a human in Titan form?"_ 'Otaku' asks with a harder look to the eyes. I'm not sure on the answer to this myself so I just shrug my shoulders in the universal sign of, "I don't know".

This response gets a mixed response to our audience, I hear sighs of relief to the 'Otaku's' excited ramblings. Again after my shoulder guest calms down, we get down to business. _"The Commander- that's him Erwin Smith- has pointed out that if you just follow us like you are you will attract unwanted attention that we just don't need. So lovely, since we already have equipment for hauling Titans we'll need you to be tied down to some special made carts we have stashed at on old scouting post."_ I'm beginning to regret my decision to follow 'Capatin'… With the explanation over 'Otaku' gives the name Hange Zoe and states that we are going to be wonderful friends.

Smith gives the order and we are heading out. Hange still stands on my shoulder while I lead the pack of humans to their base. Seems they believe it will be safer if I'm where they can see me. Hange keeps rambling on and I nod and shake my head no where appropriate. Before I know it the suns is starting to dip below the horizon and an old castle like building appears in the distant. Very much abandoned, I even think the roof is caved in on one side!

The pack of humans decide to camp out for a bit and wait for nightfall. Apparently that is the ideal time to make a quiet escape from the Titan infested areas. Though they take care to make sure they time their arrival just right so when they reach their walls that not too many people should be about-easier to sneak a Titan in that way. Hange directs me to sit on the outside of one of the crumbling walls and to wait. I wasn't really expecting this, I really thought I'd just wander around and eventually get to close to a human then be… gone. I'm not too sure what I expect from this, maybe I really was that bored? Hange comes back at that moment dragging a few people- assistance? Hange askes more questions; do I eat humans, have I met an Ilse Langnar, do I interact with other Titans, etc. Hange finally asks a question that gives me pause, _"What is it like to be a Titan?"_ Hange seems to realize that we got off track with the yes or no answers and tries to find a way to word the previous as such. What is it like to be a Titan? That also get me thinking, can these humans read English? They seem to speak it well enough. I take a chance and bend forward a bit and drag my finger into the dirt into familiar, if a little shaky, characters. I ending up writing a shaky, "Freeing but boring". This seems to set Hange and the assistances off. _"You have a writing language?!"_ Hange seems to not understand the words but doesn't seem to care all that much in the prospect that, yes I do have the intelligence for the written word.

In the following commotion one of the assistance runs off and then I am surrounded. A lot of the humans are clamoring to read the words I have written in the dirt. Smith is of talking to Hange with 'Captain' and I am now at the mercy of the assistance and their questions- at least they are not as overbearing about it. Night soon falls fully upon us and I am left on my own. Hange being dragged off with the others to gain some much needed sleep. I sit hunched with my elbows on my knees and think over the day. I haven't had this much excitement in a long time. Maybe this is a sign for change? I feel my eyes start to droop, sleep sounds nice now.

I feel a sharp pain and my world goes black. Shit, I jinx myself didn't I?

End.

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I hate to pull one of these endings but I really don't see an intelligent Titan making it inside the walls without interference from the Titan shifters. So sorry, but not really sorry.

If you are not sure what an Otaku is, just punch it into goggle or urban dictionary for the best description.

I've had this thing stashed away for a while and decided to polish it off and finally post it, yay me~

If you are follow my _Lucy's Wings_ story, I am so sorry for the wait! I have an outline but haven't been fully pleased with it yet. I plan on writing the rest of the story out and just bulk posting it. I hope that will make up for the wait when that time comes? Thanks for reading and leave some feedback if you like!


	2. What a World

What a World

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There's a lot of things in this world that I've come to hate. The lack of modern comforts is a big one, I think right now I miss my car the most. Horseback is just not my thing and the cart isn't much better! A steaming hot shower too, I'd just about slaughter my squad if I could have a hot shower.

That's another thing I noticed about this world, you either are too soft and are taken advantage of or you harden yourself. I hardly recognize myself anymore. I use to be a pretty outgoing person willing to make friends with anyone, now I'd rather watched them burn. People in this world are such cowards, sure they talk a big game but first sign of being in over their heads and they run. Cowards the lot of them. I despise cowards just as much as these godforsaken Titans. Sure Titans were cool when they were just in manga and anime but living with them is a pain.

So when Captain Levi comes back from the Forest of Giant Trees with a different Titan than the Female Titan that is definitely not Eren's Titan form I knew there was a problem with the storyline. Captain Hange was having a fucking orgasm over that thing while the rest of my squad mates pretty much piss themselves in fear. Commander Erwin gives the order and we were off following this thing. This thing is going to get us killed before we even get to that old decrepit base! Its footsteps shake the ground and Captain Hange is louder than necessary. We are pretty much a moving Titan buffet with a giant neon sign over us reading, "Dig In!"

In a few hours we reach an old training outpost that was abandoned during the fall of Shiganshina with only a few Titan encounters. A few more that I didn't want to happen in this first place. We are ordered to take care of our horses and only unpack the necessities for a quick rest while we wait for nightfall. They really expect us to haul that Thing all night and get it through the Walls without detection? Not only am I surrounded by cowards, I'm also surrounded by the insane! This will cause massive panic lugging this thing through Main Street! My commanding office interrupts my inner monologue to announce that I'm on first watch with two others from my squad.

I use my 3DMG to get myself a good vantage point on the top wall of the post. My squad mates give me the "pleasure" of Titan duty. There's a commotion below, I peer over the edge and freeze. There on the ground in fuck ENGLISH is the sentence, "Freeing but boring". This THING knows a language that doesn't exist in this world! More than that it knows a language that I know all too well! Is this Thing like me? I'm I going to turn into one of those monster too?

My mind is still reeling as the sun sets, only to be jolt from my internal panic when Hange is dragged away like a child throwing a tantrum. It only take a moment for my mind to be made up, I use my 3DMG and send a hook to the nap of the abominations neck. I'm soaring, the distance isn't long so I hit hard and fast. _**Shiiiink!**_ There's blood anywhere, and I hear Hange's scream of rage. I make a perfect landing only to be tackled from the side. Hange's over me yelling and yelling but I find that I don't really care. I can only laugh and laugh and laugh.

Like I said there are only cowards and the insane in the Scouting Legion. Looks like I've finally official joined the ranks.

End.

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I really thought I was done with this fic but then I had this idea to do the point of view from a really jaded scouting legion SI. I kind of left the first chapter at a good point for interpretation and tried to keep the same spirit in mind while writing this. Pretty much this is the story of an SI that just snapped in the SNK/AOT world and couldn't handle what was on the other side of the screen. I hope you guys like this short one compared to the first. This will probably be the last for this story but who knows? Thanks for reading!~


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